Letting Go

It’s currently Saturday afternoon when I’m writing this and in this moment, my body is feeling tired and my throat feels funky. It’s not a full-on sore throat, but it feels like there is a slight pressure. I’ve had this feeling before earlier in the summer, and was able to finagle my way out of getting sick.

So far today I’ve taken a lengthy nap, and if you don’t count the coffee, I’ve drank only water. Oh, and I’m finishing up my powerhouse green smoothie right now. To top it off, I’ve been constantly repeating my healthy mantras so hopefully my body picks up on it and doesn’t lead me down a cold road. That is, a summer cold. Maybe it’s allergies.

Sunday morning I’m set to meet a couple of folks for a trail run. I say, a couple, because that’s what I know of. More people could show up. Heyyy, the more the merrier!  At this point I don’t see myself bowing out, but if I wake up with a fever and body aches, well, I just might have to. Positive vibes and fingers crossed!

This month I’ve managed to hit 31 mile weeks, which considering I haven’t reached that distance for much of this year unless a 50K race was involved, is a nice little bump from my somewhere-in-the-20s-usually-low-20s mileage. It’s called off-season for me and not sure when I’ll actually be in on-season.

I’ll say there are indeed some potential races floating around in my head and I’ve written down on paper, but until fees are handed over, nothing is set in stone, or solidified in UltraSignup. It’s kind of exciting!

Recently I had lunch with my friend/Javelina Jundred pacer, John, where I told him some race ideas I had. There was a big one tossed in there, but since that time, I’ve managed to talk myself out of it. It’s not time. Of course, I know that I could simply talk myself right back into it. No. No. It’s not time. Keep on repeat.

Patience hasn’t entirely been my strongest suit, and I wanted to convince myself I could totally be ready for this  event next year because time ain’t slowing down, and I need to get this distance completed before…before what?

If there is anything that I personally work on, it’s gaining a better sense of patience. I’d get antsy and anxious and want things to happen on a certain time frame. This 100 mile race needs to happen, and now, and yesterday, and yesteryear!

Since taking up meditation over a year ago  (although haven’t been consistent with it in recent weeks), I’ve learned to let go more often. Letting go of time frames. Letting go of the need to control things that I have absolutely no control over. Letting go of feeding ego, and gravitating more on feeding my own inner self. It’s still a practice, and I’m far from being enlightened, but I know it’s a start.

Last weekend I met up with my friend Roxanne for a trail run. We didn’t have a set mileage, but I had a certain range I was thinking about hitting. There was a possibility of others joining us, so I let her know I was most likely going to run longer. If I had to run longer by myself I’d be okay with that, but at least I knew there would be others for her to run back with in case nobody else wanted to run more miles with me. Turns out nobody else came out, and it was just us.

We set out early and right from the get-go, we had a great time. We talked and laughed and it was awesome!

By the time we reached a turnaround point, I asked her if she wanted to run more and she said no. And you know what? Neither did I! Absolutely not.

First of all, I was having such a great time, there was no way I was going to leave her to run back on her own. For what? For my own ego to know I ran longer, or that I reached my goal mileage for the day, or week? No way!!! And even if we were joined by others, most likely I still would’ve turned back around with them and not do extra mileage.

Running is so much more than hitting certain numbers. It’s about community, and friendships, and experience, and those things were way more important than a few extra miles.

Sometimes letting go is not easy. In fact, depending on what it is, many times it can be downright excruciatingly difficult. This was definitely not one of those times.

I let go of any expectations I had for myself and absolutely enjoyed the day, and it ended up being ridiculously memorable and so much fun! Maybe letting go is the key.

And if it just so happens that whatever I’m feeling right now turns out not to be allergies, but something more sinister like a summer cold, or worse summer cough, then I’ve got to learn how to let go of having any great running expectations this week. And that’s okay. Because sometimes, that’s all we need to do.

Thanks for reading!

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